Toilet-pocalypse

when imminent snowstorms are no match for shitstorms

Single Mom Shit (part 1 of a never ending series)…

Happy New Year? Not sure about you, but this year has been kinda shitty (pun INTENDED) so far, personally, nationally, and globally.

So much (figurative) hard shit in the news, we can take a quick skim and start with what’s been happening in Minneapolis with ICE agents shooting a mom after elementary school drop off, and so many other abuses of power that are still happening in that city and across our country. Throw in some Iranian headlines, or should I say, lack of headlines about the mass murder, literal slaughter (not to mention torture) of protesters (for basic human rights, not just “economic issues” as said by some major news outlets early on). I am not claiming to know much, but I know enough now, sigh, to be wary of news sources that downplay some tragedies and up-play others.

But I am not here to talk politics, not just because I am no expert and have no answers, but also because this humble little space is mine to converse about whatever shit I want to talk about, and today, that is Shit.

(Spoiler alert, I will be talking about poop. But not in ANY detail as I am not that kind of person - no offense to those who are - but also I’m getting over a stomach bug, so I won’t be going into any fecal details and I do not need a relapse, or a prolapse, geezus I can’t stop! ok stopping.)

So. Let me preface my sad stinky story by saying my control group is made up of 2 single moms, myself and a beloved friend from high school, who seems to suffer the same syndrome as myself - Toilet-pocalypse. The official dictionary definition is this:

Toi·let poc·a·lypse: the unfortunate reality of consecutive clogged toilets by consecutive teenagers in a house with multiple plungers but said teenagers feign ignorance, real or imagined, of using said plungers, leaving the Single Mothers, who already do every.single.fucking.thing to do the most foul and stomach-churning task of plunging their offsprings’ offerings, without any thanks or gratitude or dare I say apology.

Because I am not looking to provoke or disgust, only to inform, I’m showing this rather benign image of a toilet stacked with toilet paper, but imagine those rolls unfurled in a hideous manner and stuffed inside an overflowing bowl.

Like an obscenely topped off ice cream sundae, only not whipped cream or chocolate sauce. (I may have gone too far, apologies.)

image by Donna Hovey from Pixabay. Thank you, Donna, for your restraint.

It seems in the Sisyphean we both are always unclogging toilets, to the degree we may simply check in over text by saying, “already unclogged 2 in one day,” or, “how’s your weekly count?”

This is a real text exchange between me and my single mom friend at the start of the new year. Her first one was on New Year’s Day. I countered with, it’s only a matter of time for me, and then, well, you can read it below.

This is the same friend I texted days before Christmas at Target (that was a mistake in and of itself) with my kids, holding up two brand new plungers with the caption, Happy Chanukah to me!

Maybe I need new toilets. I mean they are from the 90s but still you wouldn’t think they would be clogging so frequently. Yes, I live with two teenagers, and yes they have excessive toilet paper habits. And yes, they should be unclogging them on their own.

I know, I know, teach your children how to do it, make them independent, stop doing everything for them blah blah blah thank you for the advice that I did not ask for.

Also, for the record, I am working on their independence, but if you think it starts with unclogging a toilet, then you either don’t have kids or if you do, you have a wife or a husband or a partner to help you in the Eternal Struggle that is getting a teenager to do Any.Thing.

And that is what I’m saying. This is a single parent (mom, let’s face it, MOM) struggle because when you don’t have another person to back you up or unclog the toilet, you are left with… no usable toilets.

So, instead of judging, if you really want to help a single mom out, and you don’t have a lot of money to say, drop in her bank account with no strings attached, then purchasing a new plunger, ideally with a companion toilet brush, would be the next best thing unless of course you’re willing to unclog it yourself.

Now that I think about it, we’ve got DoorDash and UberEats and Amazon delivery. Where are the toilet un-cloggers?! I would pay for that.

Feel free to drop your own metaphorical clogged toilet in comments, single mom or otherwise.

I’m also leaving you with a palate cleansing photo to help clear your mind (and my conscience) from any unsavory images I may have scarred you with.

Umm, I realize this picture is of goats’ butts, and if you ever hang around goats, you’d know what they often do with abandon and abundance, so maybe less of a palate cleanser than intended, but still, goats! They are so cute!